The Misery of Pakistani Women Narrated by Hajra Sumaira Imran
Women in the East live in a patriarchal society that offers freedom but to well-confined premises of home. This is the reality of the majority of the Subcontinent, especially Pakistani ladies living in a dominantly patriarchal society. They have no personal perspective on life and the only experience they have is through the bays of men. Many will argue that it is not true, and times are changing for women. However, only a small portion of the elite bubble supports this way of thinking. This way of thinking ignores the fact that many women live in less affluent houses and cities behind the so-called modesty that is enforced. The truth is much more painful since there are assertive women who desire freedom, but the patriarchs are holding their tongues and feet in. A few women employed in large cities do not indicate that change has occurred. What about the countless females whose fathers and brothers prevented them from attending school, watching television, or owning a cell phone, so that they never experienced the breeze of liberation? Their whole purpose in life is to serve and take care of others.
Truth is much more painful since there are assertive women who desire freedom, but the patriarchs are holding their tongues and feet in.
The Evolution of Womanhood in the East: Tradition Meets Modernity
The misery starts from the birth of a girl child. The birth of a girl is bereaved since she is not a boy who will grow up to support his father. When it comes to girls (daughters in the east), they are like an investment loan you pay for someone else as she will get married and depart to a new home, whereas boys are like credit cards with always some overdraft possibilities that can help the parents when they get old. A calculator is set to measure loss and profit and emotions are celebrated in light of what will be gained. A girl’s parents may need to be persuaded by relatives, including older ladies and men, that she doesn’t have a son. It’s always “maybe next time” like a baby is produced in a factory!
Little girls are raised completely differently than boys. A boy can go outside, roam on the streets, and do whatever he wants. While a girl refrained from going outside and can only play at home. If she is allowed to go to school, then she should do her homework and learn little house chores to assist her mother. She should behave meekly, speak less, and endure all mischiefs of his brothers because girls don’t pry. A boy is allowed to be rugged and obstinate because that’s how they should be-masculine.
The girl’s parents may need to be persuaded by relatives, including older ladies and men, that she doesn’t have a son. It’s always “maybe next time” like a baby is produced in a factory!
Teenage brings huge changes in the life of a girl as puberty hits and things become complicated. Suddenly she becomes a woman and now more responsibilities are thrown on the shoulders of a mere twelve or thirteen years old. Menstruation is hushed and she must not show any sign of pain and endure silence. Her menstrual pads and undergarments must be hidden away from the sight of men at home because it would be shameful if they knew. Understanding womanhood in the East requires a deep dive into the rich traditions, societal norms, and evolving gender roles that shape the lives of millions of women. Digesting this reality, she should continue her studies as well as house chores. She can’t excuse herself because her brother needs his evening tea or her father calls to bring him water- because it is not to be told. She cannot take a break from any responsibility even if she is going through a lot of pain during the Menstruation. Not all women have it easy in this span of every cycle. But she is not allowed to express her discomfort because the men do not see it as a problem to be addressed and we are in a man’s world sadly.
Fast forward to adulthood, Now she is married off to some guy picked by her parents, and she always has to say “Yes” because that’s the custom. Years of dumbing down a girl by telling her she would be married off one day is the only dream nourished in the minds of young girls? This is the gruesome reality of the majority of women, give or take a few. It is a generalized reality of a woman’s life leaving many aspects, especially feelings.
Gaslighting and Its Impact on Womanhood in the East
Let’s talk about what a woman feels and why is it so. The most common words and phrases a woman has heard in her life are “You feel too much”, “Just endure’, “Be patient”, etc. Every sentiment of a woman is disregarded and only one answer is given, “because you are a woman, God has made you weak and that’s why you should behave like this, can’t have this, etc.” This gaslighting shatters the spirits and dreams of many women. They question their self-identity but not much because survival comes first. That is why we see women stuck in unhappy marriages, abusive relationships, and slaves of dogmas. Those who have an inherent urge to break free, put up an eternal fight.
All of this happens because men have fragile personalities, and their only identification is through their manliness or more precisely their different biology. They deem themselves superior in the garb of religion partly because of their physiology. In the 21st century where the mind is preferred over the body, men still boast their six packs and the fact that they can easily beat a woman to a pulp. Their whole definition of a good woman can cook for them, take care of them, and doesn’t say no, in short, a slave. The same qualities are looked at the time of marriage as if they don’t want a wife but a mother, Freud would laugh!
The most common words and phrases a woman hears in her life are “You are being too sensitive”, “Just endure’, “Be patient”
This paradigm needs to be demolished to move towards a more reforming aspect. Both men and women must realize that gender comes second to humanity. Men need to do more to bring about change because they have dominated society since the beginning of written history. They ought to shed their nostalgia for a time when they were warriors who slaughtered and had affairs with anybody they pleased. Civilized society demands to be responsible and realize the importance of the most neglected being – women. Change is indeed coming but must come out of seminar halls and reach the unseen. There must be equal recognition and participation of both genders in personal and social life. All blame is thrown on patriarchy, but it is less debated that men are its victims too. But the problem is that men still have greater benefits and that is why their fragile egos don’t want to reject this system. Womanhood in the East is often portrayed through the lens of cultural expectations, yet individual stories reveal a powerful narrative of resilience and adaptation If they do, they’ll have to take responsibility for their lives, needs, emotions, and problems. They won’t be allowed to throw a tantrum on any woman and claim authority. They’ll have to do their chores and help in raising children because this is what life is, recognizing and accepting responsibilities. Then we can say that society will change.
You may be interested to read other articles in Magnav Magazine such as Moroccan Caftan a Traditional Heritage between Past and Present, Understanding the Attire Enigma in Pakistan’s Women, Scale the External and Spiritual Attractiveness in Women, and The Dilemma of Modern Women.
By Hajra Sumaira Imran
